Archive for June, 2009
Meet Little Johnny Again…..
Monday, June 15th, 2009The Polite way to Pee
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
’Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?’
Michael said, ‘Just a minute I have to go pee.’ The teacher responded by saying, ‘That would be rude and impolite.
What about you Sherman, how would you say it?’
Sherman said, ‘I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.’ ‘That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.
And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manner’s?’
Johnny said, ‘I would say: ’Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner.’
The teacher fainted….
My 1 Day of Employment
Monday, June 15th, 2009
So after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter,
a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day……
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud,
unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids,
yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, ‘Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart.
Nice children you have there. Are they twins?’
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say,
‘Hell no, they ain’t twins. The oldest one’s 9, and the other one’s 7.
Why the hell would you think they’re twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?’
So I replied, ‘I’m neither blind nor stupid, Ma’am,
I just couldn’t believe someone slept with you twice.
Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.’
My supervisor said I probably wasn’t cut out for this line of work.
Warmest regards,
Maxine
Crusty Old Biker
Monday, June 15th, 2009A crusty old biker out on a long summer ride in the country pulls up to a tavern in the middle of no where, parks his bike and walks inside.
As he passes through the swinging doors, he sees a sign hanging over the bar:
COLD BEER: $2.00
HAMBURGER: $2.25
CHEESEBURGER: $2.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH : $3.50
HAND JOB: $50.00
Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the ole’ biker walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled farmers.
She glides down behind the bar to the ole biker.
“Yes?” she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, “may I help you?”
The ole biker leans over the bar, “I was wondering young lady,” he whispers, “are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?”
She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs “Why yes, yes, I sure am”.
The ole’ biker leans closer and into her left ear whispers softly, “Well, wash your hands real good, cause I want a cheeseburger”..